Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
