dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
