Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Bring me that man meat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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