One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
