I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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