he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
