Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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