Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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