So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
