You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
