Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
