put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
jump out the window naked night went bad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
