it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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