so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
