I think I am morally bankrupt
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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