epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
