Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
