There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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