Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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