theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
