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I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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