you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
