Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
