just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
