i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
