Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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