I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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