Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
