Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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