tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
