I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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