It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
