At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
