I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
what the fuck happened to the tacos
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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