its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
