can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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