She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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