Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
