But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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