ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
