Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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