I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
whose ass print is on the piano?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
