So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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