I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
