She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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