omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
