The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
send nudes
from the living room?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
