Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
