I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
