He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
