I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
