I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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