Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
