I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
