i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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