If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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