That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
