Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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