Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
