I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
