I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
