We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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