fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
