We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
