we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
