the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
