dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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