You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
