Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize