At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
