I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize