Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
