Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
