I wish I could punch you in the face.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
