You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
