Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
