Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
