okay pat passed out under dana's car
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Randomize
