I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
