What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
