You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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